AA, Sobriety, Higher Powers and Love

Alcoholics Anonymous, Love and Higher Powers

Why Go To AA Or Try It Again – A Different View

We explain what AA is, what a higher power is and could mean to you, remove barriers, offer a different perspective from tradition and provide what we think is an inarguable rationale for attending and persevering with AA.

We believe this article lays out a compelling argument for anyone to attend AA who has never been or who has rejected it in the past. If you want to stay sober, and your life to improve, please read on.

For many newcomers to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), and other 12-step fellowships such as NA and CA, the concept of a higher power can be one of the most difficult aspects to grasp – especially for those who have had negative experiences with religion, lost their faith or have never believed in a deity to begin with.

About AA and Sobriety

AA is a global, peer-support fellowship that helps people recover from alcohol addiction through mutual support and a structured program. It was founded in 1935 by Bill Wilson and Dr Bob Smith and is based on spiritual principles, free and open to anyone struggling with alcoholism.

It operates through regular meetings where members share their experiences, strengths, hopes and successes in maintaining sobriety. The core of AA is the 12-step program: a structured, ongoing therapeutic approach to recovery from problematic drinking.

Members develop coping strategies to manage cravings and triggers and replace alcohol dependence with healthy, meaningful connections. The program fosters a sense of purpose and responsibility, encouraging personal accountability and the courage to grow, deal with the past and build a brighter future.

Many members find that, over time, their commitment to the 12-step program leads to profound personal growth and promotes self-awareness, emotional healing and resilience. It helps people rebuild trust with loved ones, strengthens their relationships and creates a foundation for a healthier, more fulfilling life.

AA and its Spiritual Aspect

Many people attend an AA meeting and then never go back because they think they need to have a religion or believe in a deity, or maybe they think it may feel cult-like. All of that is pretty understandable.

People who attend AA do so to stop drinking or stay stopped. Research evidence from Stanford University as well as the Cochrane worldwide research organisation states that the AA program is the most effective form of treatment for long-term sobriety. So, clinical research confirms it’s the place to go for sobriety. It’s kind of inarguable, the data is in. People come to the fellowship with all manner of troubles and in all kinds of conditions. And if they stick around and do what’s suggested, they get sober and stay sober. And, what’s more, their lives improve all-round.

For someone new to AA, it might be a tall order to believe it will work for them. Perhaps someone who is suffering from anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, emotional pain, panic disorder or any other dreadful life experiences and negative emotions – and who may also have problems including relationships, finances, work and health issues – attends a meeting.  And they’re told that by believing in something outside of themselves, that they just cannot grasp, they might just get and stay sober.

It seems far-fetched. And, it’s no wonder people find it difficult to stick around and have faith that AA might work. But what if there was another way to look at AA – to conceptualise the theory behind it and turn what seems impossible into a very possible and plausible outcome?

One that is more understandable and takes a slightly different, but ultimately perfectly rational standpoint.

Despite what people might think or say, AA is not a cult. Nor is it a religious program or society. In its book called Alcoholics Anonymous (commonly referred to as the Big Book, and after which the organisation is named), it says “Alcoholics Anonymous is not a religious organisation.” (Foreword to 2^nd Edition). And, it’s true.

Some people attend AA who are religious of various faiths, some atheist, some agnostic and some spiritual, however, the vast majority of people in AA represent wider society. All kinds of faiths, believers and non-believers.

Taking a Rational, Relatable View Point of AA

The idea of surrendering one’s will to something greater than oneself can feel weird, foreign, uncomfortable or even impossible for people who associate concepts such as this with traditional religious teachings, ideas that they no longer accept or never found convincing in the first place.

For people raised in religious environments, the mention of a higher power can trigger resistance if they’ve experienced dogma, judgment or disillusionment with a faith. They might assume that AA requires belief in a traditional god, similar to the one they rejected, which can make them hesitant to engage with the program.

On the other hand, those who have never been religious may struggle with the idea that any external power could have a role in their sobriety, preferring instead to rely on logic, common sense, self-will and/or personal responsibility.

Another challenge for people is that addiction itself often fosters a deep sense of isolation, control, stubbornness and self-reliance making it difficult for newcomers to accept the idea that they cannot fix their problem themselves – a lot of alcoholics end up lonely and often their reliance in, and on other people, has diminished. The notion of looking outside oneself for guidance or strength can seem counterintuitive, especially for those who pride themselves on independence too.

Many people new to sobriety believe they “should” be able to manage their drinking through willpower alone and the idea of tapping into anything – even an abstract idea, principle or community – can feel like admitting failure rather than embracing a path to healing.

However, AA and other fellowships emphasise that they are not religious organisations (and they aren’t) and that a higher power does not have to be a religious deity.

A New Approach to an Old Idea

The beauty of the 12-step approach is in its flexibility – it allows each person to define their higher power in a way that works for them. For some, it may be a spiritual force like love, mother nature or the universe. For others, it might be the collective wisdom of the group (a group of sober people with the same purpose is surely a power greater than one drinker?), the program or simply the process of recovery itself. Over time, many people find that opening themselves to the idea of a power greater than themselves – whether that power is faith, connection or a set of guiding principles – helps them achieve and maintain sobriety in ways they never could so alone.

In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), the concept of a “higher power” is deliberately open-ended, allowing each person to define it in a way that is personally meaningful.

Many people struggle with traditional religious conceptions of god but still recognise the necessity for something outside of them that may help them stay sober. We relied on something outside of us for long enough to change how we feel (alcohol), so why can’t something else outside of us change how we feel? And, is it possible that something external could help keep us sober?

So, let’s look at what we think is an irrefutable stance, a novel concept (well, not necessarily new but maybe new to you!) and a wonderful thought process that may just work.

Love Is All You Need

Love, as an ultimate force that’s incomparable to anything else, can serve this purpose in a deeply intellectual and spiritually valid way. Love exists. It’s what’s kept humans going for many millennials. We feel it for family, friends, partners. We receive it or have received it from people throughout our lives.

Sometimes it’s hard to feel it when we are unwell or have drunk for years, have lost love, self-esteem, our spark or are super self-critical. We may not feel very loving, loveable or loved when we turn up to AA for the first time, or maybe if we return after lapsing. But there’s no dispute love exists maybe not a lot within us when we first attend or return to AA meetings.

“All religions, all spirituality, all teach love.

Love can be evidenced. We have proof that love exists. “

The Case For Love As A Higher Power

Let’s take four rather simplistic, rational and understandable tenets:

1.     All religions teach love at their core.
2.     All spiritual endeavours instil internal love and a connection to love
3.     Love can be evidenced. We have proof that love exists. We have felt it for others and others have given us love at some point in our lives.
4.     People who love themselves, who truly love themselves, do not drink addictively.

The four concepts above would make sense to most people. So, let’s say you place love as your higher power as a starting point in AA. This would, therefore, make religion, spirituality, deities, some kind of supreme being, sky daddy, sky mummy or god irrelevant when it came to attending AA and undertaking the 12-Step program.

Base your higher power on love and we believe you can’t go wrong. We’ve yet to hear a good counterargument for this.

“Love is a very viable higher power.”

Love is the Basis of All Religious and Spiritual Traditions

Across all major (modern) religions and spiritual philosophies, love is the central guiding force. Let’s look at them:

Christianity

Jesus emphasized love as the highest commandment: “Love one another as have loved you” (John 13:34).

Islam

The Quran describes God as “the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate” (Al-Fatiha 1:1), reflecting divine love.

Hinduism

The concept of bhakti (devotion) is rooted in unconditional love towards others and the divine.

Buddhism

Compassion (karuṇā) and loving-kindness (mettā) are the highest virtues.

Judaism

The Torah teaches that love is the fulfilment of divine law: “Love your neighbour as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18).

Taoism

The Tao Te Ching describes the highest virtue as flowing with the interconnected love of the universe.

Humanism

Even non-theistic spiritual movements, such as Humanism, emphasise love as a force for meaning, healing and ethical living.

Pantheism

This spiritual and philosophic belief is one many people have without knowing it has a name! It’s the belief in nature and the universe, love is seen as the force that binds all things – not in a religious sense, but as a fundamental part of existence. “Nature is an expression of divine love.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Yoga

In yoga, the philosophy ties love for self, love for others and divine love together. It emphasises that love is not just an emotion but a spiritual force. “Love is the strongest medicine. It is more powerful than electricity. It is the divine energy that everywhere produces life.” (Swami Sivananda)

Religions, Spirituality and Love

Eckhart Tolle describes love as the realisation of oneness with all things, whilst the Dalai Lama and Leo Tolstoy emphasise love as a universal principle beyond religion.

If all religions and spiritual paths point to love as the highest power, then one can reasonably embrace love itself as a power greater than oneself without requiring a deity. Kind of hard to argue against and refuse AA attendance when we know that the 12 Steps works and that love exists.

The 12 Spiritual Concepts of AA Point to Love

Aiming for personal growth and a loving attitude for all ties in with AA’s spiritual concepts or principles, as they inherently revolve around love. And it ties in well with simple psychology.

• Honesty (Step 1) requires self-love and acceptance.
• Hope (Step 2) is rooted in trusting that love – whether from others, a higher purpose or oneself – can restore sanity.
• Faith (Step 3) in something greater than us is fundamentally an act of love.
• Courage (Step 4) to face one’s flaws and overcome them comes from love.
• Integrity (Step 5) means living in love-based honesty rather than fear.
• Willingness (Step 6) to grow is an act of self-love.
• Humility (Step 7) is letting love replace our own motives.
• Brotherly Love (Step 8 & 9) is making amends and healing relationships.
• Perseverance & Discipline (Step 10) is choosing love over resentment and finding solutions.
• Spiritual Awareness (Step 11) recognises that love is transformative.
• Service (Step 12) is love in action.

Self Love

The spiritual principles are not abstract concepts, they’re achievable through the program and manifest in ongoing recovery and life. Love for ourselves, from an internal view, would include working towards a better self.

This better version of us helps keep us sober because we’re aiming to replace negative thoughts, feelings and behaviours with more positive ones. One common AA saying is that recovery work is practice, not perfection. Small, incremental adaptations over time result in large changes. We learn how to implement such things in AA.

Striving or aiming for a more rounded, balanced, responsible version of oneself is growth. And recovery usually requires some kind of growth for it to be sustainable. It’s also a mushrooming process: the more we heal, the more love we have for ourselves, and subsequently, the more we take care of ourselves and our needs. So, love breeds more love within.

Moving forward in life and recovery is sometimes quick and sometimes slow, but we can continually strive to move forward towards more love. And if we keep working towards positive goals, we generally get good outcomes.

So working towards our own spiritual love will often include things such as:

• inner peace (self-respect, confidence, less stress),
• better self-acceptance (as an emotional component),
• self-perception (cognitions including mindset and growth),
• self-care (behaviours including good sleep, rest, exercise)
• biological care (eating when hungry, meditating to calm the mind and body)
• social goals (better relationships, reducing people-pleasing)

“the more we heal, the more love we have for ourselves, and subsequently, the more we  take care of ourselves and our needs...love breeds more love within.”

Love For Others

Working towards a higher goal for ourselves and aiming for recovery benefits everyone. If we are being, or certainly striving towards being, the best version of ourselves, then our families and others around us gain. Joy and love and well-being spread out from us. Everyone wins. Again, love generates more love. Giving and receiving love is life at its most magical.

This is why looking after ourselves and putting recovery first is so important. If we don’t, we may drink again and those around us often feel the consequences too. The key is to try and aim upward to achieve the highest good for ourselves and others – isn’t that what religions teach us, to aim for heaven? And this ties in nicely with using love as our higher power, regardless of whether we look at it from a spiritual, religious, psychological or purely practical angle.

Since every AA spiritual principle leads to and is sustained by love, it makes intellectual sense that love itself is a higher power. The greater good of the fellowship, the sobriety, the camaraderie, the healing in the meetings, the connection – they are all based on love, whether we recognise it or not.

Love as a Force Greater than Ourselves

A higher power, according to AA, must be something beyond personal control yet accessible for guidance and strength. Love meets this requirement:

1. It transcends individuals. Love exists between people, in communities and throughout human history.
2. It changes lives. Love transforms fear into connection, despair into hope and addiction into recovery.
3. It is infinite and self-sustaining. Unlike material possessions, success or ego-driven self-pursuits, love grows the more it is given. What a statement that is! And it’s true. Thankfully.

Many people in and outside of AA who struggle with the idea of an all-supreme God, can recognise that love operates as a universal and abundant force beyond any one person’s will – that it exists, is tangible, can be given and received, and is ultimately the highest concept there is.

What else is more powerful than love? Evil isn’t on the same scale. Pain and hardship are tough but love sits outside of these. Love is incomparable. And without breaking into some 1980s power ballad, we know that the power of love makes extraordinary things happen. There is no better endeavour and nothing more noble than to seek love in us and to offer it to others. Love is a very viable higher power.

“by being the best version of ourselves, then our families and others around us gain. Everyone wins. Again, love generates more love”

Choose Love and Start Going to AA

Alcoholics Anonymous does not require belief in a traditional God, only in a power greater than oneself. Since love is the foundation of all major spiritual traditions, central to AA’s principles, and functions as a power beyond the self, it is an academically and spiritually valid base for a higher power to begin the journey in sobriety and in AA.

For those seeking recovery, turning to love – by embracing honesty, compassion, humility and service – can be just as transformative as putting one’s faith in a deity.

With AA being ubiquitous, free and with online AA meetings available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, there’s never been a better opportunity for people to get sober and stay sober with the support of AA. People who go to AA, undertake the 12-step program to the best of their ability, and continue to do so, do not drink again. Ever.

There is no better place to stay sober than AA. And there’s no power greater than love.

• Visit the UK Alcoholics Anonymous Website to find out more about AA and find a meeting
• Visit the Online Intergroup for Online/Virtual AA Meetings and to chat to someone live
• Download the Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book) as a PDF

References

• https://www.cochrane.org/CD012880/ADDICTN_alcoholics-anonymous-aa-and-other-12-step-programs-alcohol-use-disorder
• https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2020/03/alcoholics-anonymous-most-effective-path-to-alcohol-abstinence.html
• https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19207347/
• https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/11/upshot/alcoholics-anonymous-new-evidence.html
• https://www.aacle.org/twelve-spiritual-principles/